Thursday, January 27, 2011

Jan 25th 2011                                   Blog #10   Confessions and dreams of a middle age woman

Dear Tania
Why is life so …. You know….
                    I’ve been working on my list Tania. Here is a part of my devotions today…

Thank You for preserving the story of Thomas. We see ourselves portrayed so vividly in his doubts.
May we come to a realization that you’re pleased even in our searching, and You honor our honest questions.
Thank You for accepting us in our struggles and understanding our doubts.
Thank You for Your grace in understanding that though we weep when we lose our friends and family,
and we question the tragedies and calamities of life, it isn't that we doubt Your right to rule.
It's that we struggle with releasing our own rights . . . we're simply trying to reason our way through those mysterious valleys.

I never saw myself as a ‘Thomas’ and yet I can totally identify with what Swindoll writes.  This is how I am feeling today. Overwhelmed with doubts … wondering why things have to be so difficult… wishing my faith was more ...i don’t know…strong?
Why can’t 1 + 1 = 2… with faith it feels like 1 + ? = 2 and I always feel like I don’t know what ? is.  Do you ever feel that way? Then I struggle with even writing about it because I feel like I’m being negative..yet I feel like I need the outlet to be honest… any thoughts?


  1. negative? not at all. honest and vulnerable and transparent? absolutely! i hear you today suzy! i hear you! sending you love, peace and happiness and a few moments for relflection tonight. i was on my knees last night crying out to God and may end up there before this night is over...

  2. Thank you for your honesty, Suzy and Tania.

  3. Suzy, you don't sound negative, you sound human! It is easy to relate to what you are saying. I think a lot of us find ourselves wishing for stronger faith, and often doubtful. I remember a friend of mine telling me that she didn't like to tidy her house too much before friends came to visit because she wanted them to feel good about their own homes. In her own selfless way, she was letting down her guard to help her friends feel better about themselves. You are just letting us have an honest peek into your heart Suzy, and for that I am thankful.