Sunday, January 9, 2011

speeding up or slowing down?

dear suzy,
i have noticed there is a choice i have to make each day.
do i continue to let my life speed up or do i deliberatly make choice that will allow it to slow down?
my personality would probably prefer a full speed ahead life..there appears on the surface to be more value at the end of my day, when i can list off accomplishments, crossed off to do lists and when asked "how was your day?" have very important things to say to the asker.
however, what have i missed with this life full of busyness? what have i not caught whispered to me?what moment have i neglected to be a part of because i was to busy to even recognize the significance? who have i missed an encounter with? have i even stopped to say hello to myself?
this week it took 3 days of gut wrenching, crawling on the floor in agony days to stop the business and say hello to myself. By the time i did, i was too sick to do anything but stop. sad to consider really.sad to think that i am one of "those women who love too much" to even respect what my body has been trying to tell me for the past 8 months.
i have decided it is time to slow down. to catch myself from the frantic pace of measuring up to the invisible standards that i have put in place for myself. i have decided that in order to live a life well lived, full of meaning and purpose i need to slow down.
i will let you know what that looks like..for today it looks like this- prioritizing my week on paper, not so that i can cram enough into each day, but so i can do what truly needs to be done and leave the rest alone for now. slowing down looks like this- carving out time for myself. for reflection.for rest.for art.for love.for tea.for prayer.for friends.for baths.for doodling.for inspiration gathering.for reading the bible.for talking. for sleeping.
there is time for all of those things when i give them the space and value they deserve.
i am going to remember that it is enough to love deeply, to walk slowly,to finish one thing and put it aside with satisfaction, then move onto the next, stopping in between to breathe, give thanks and notice the amazing blessings that surround me. noticing them, perhaps for the first time in a while, because i am slowing down.
i love you,

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