Jan 17 2011 Blog #7 Confessions and dreams of a middle age woman
Dear Tania
OK… you’re not going to believe this… lol… or maybe your will. I’m free styling this blog… Just gonna let it rip… Ok where to start… hmmmm
I think I’m in menopause.. Don’t you love that word, Men-o-pause. LOL. Pause the men Ladies! Quite funny. J
Ok seriously though. You know how I’ve been having a bad memory for a year, maybe year and a half… and this year I’ve had major mood swings… (Rick’s ready for a single life…lol) and in the last 3 or 4 months I’ve been overheating and recently my heart has been racing periodically. I thought I was having a heart attack the other night. I can’t sleep and generally I’ve been really battling negative feelings! OK God, it’s not enough we have to endure pregnancy – throwing up and carry enormous amounts water… then try to push out a bowling ball out of a walnut sized opening! And now just for extra kicks and giggles we get brain dysfunction, memory loss, and hot flashes that feel like you’re being dipped into steam bath and then the highlight ‘depression’. Shut –er-down God! This loving us is too much!
It all became crystal clear to me today. Rick came home for lunch and I made my confession…. “Rick, I had a disturbing dream…” Rick asked me who I killed (Pregnancy dreams) and I said it wasn’t that kind. He looked at me weird and said well what kind? I whispered… you know… a s-e-x dream. All I could hear was laughter… Obviously no fear or jealousy there. “Welcome to humanity… glad you finally arrived” Well there’s understanding for you! I came downstairs and started going over all the weird things I’ve been going through… battling this depression I’ve been feeling, and the heart racing, and recently a blood pressure test that gave 3 very different readings in a 15 minute period. I thought, my God… This is it… I’m going home to glory! Then the light from heaven shone on my depressed self lying on the couch and I had a lucid thought. “I’m in menopause” “Oh my God… why didn’t I realize it”? Then a minute later… Dam male doctor… Why didn’t he realize it!
Well Tania, I told Abby who walked in the door and she rolled her eyes and said with deep emotion and empathy “It explains all the grouchiness!” “Great, how long does it last?” Well with that kind of overwhelming emotion I was immediately motivated to come over and tell you. I know you will sympathize! So there you have it. My mental instability, my alien body doing weird things is nothing more than ‘normal maturing of the female body’.
As always, with love Suzy
i am glad that abby's heartfelt empathy and emotion led you to write this delightful blog post suzy. this one is a keeper...you shall look back on it fondly i guarantee it!! i wish i had something wise to say, but for this part of your journey you are going to need to rely on the older and wiser women you know...what i have heard however is that life is much better after! so hold on close to that little piece of positivity while you figure this one out!
ReplyDeleteok Tania... accountabilty is what you want.. Today I looked for paper work I need to get hired. Got transcript request through Gov't alberta (saved$100)researched menopause, talked with Elijahs Dr who called me for 1 hour, cleaned up kitchen, watched Penguin movie with Rick, picked up hannah at chiropractor, oh yeah this morning drove hannah & barrie to vet because their cat was sick came home and drove carol to work, sent off 2 email letters to newspapers who made false statements about John, played farmville and Farkle for about 1.5 hours, laughed at the blog comments, oh yeah wrote a blog and commented on it and thought I was gonna die again as my heart raced for 1 hour steady! Ok..I think that is it...
ReplyDeletefailure to read devotions & bible, failure to resist choc temptation and desiring coke real bad tonight..lol.. so thats my day Tania.. it didn't feel to affective.
FROM LISA ... Posted by Suzy for her....
ReplyDeleteSuzy and Tania, I thank you both for letting us see into your hearts and your lives. Looking from the outside, and from my own feelings of inadequacy, it seems to me that other Christian women I know seem to have it more "together" than I do. I have only just finished reading your recent blogs, and I can completely relate to many of the things that you both talk about. It seems that in being wives and mothers we lose part of ourselves, although it is not truly lost, just hiding in the background waiting to be discovered again when the time is right. I think your blog will help me to step back and look at what might be hiding. Thanks again for inspiring me to think, confess and dream!
HUGS, Lisa
January 18, 2011 9:15 AM
Suzy (I think you know by now this is Fred) Make sure to invlove your Doc on this one.
ReplyDeleteMy mom once told me "The problem with Women is all MEN!
MENopause
MENtal
MENstruation"
She's such a funny lady sometimes, hehehe
LOL... gotta love your mom!! As I have always thought... she's usually right...lol... remeber teh night we all came in late and we got teh wooden spoon on the hand.. I fell in love with her that day!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the ride with us.... :)